Season 3 Episode 7
Level of Indonesian and English fluency: Intermediate to Advanced
Indonesian Version
“Alvina ini suaranya bagus lho, Bu. Hari ini saya coba kasih mikrofon ke dia untuk nyanyi, dan suaranya bagus.”, kata Bu Maria Tanzil, pemilik Sanggar Sangrila sewaktu ibu saya menjemput saya untuk pulang. “Oh ya?” kata ibu saya, dengan nada skeptis. Tidak ada sedikitpun antusiasme yang terpancar atas kejadian tersebut. Saat itu saya merasa kecewa dan berpikir bahwa mungkin suara saya, yang katanya bagus itu, hanya kebetulan saja munculnya.
Tak pernah ada orang yang bilang saya mempunyai bakat tertentu. Bila ada yang menanyakan kemampuan super apa yang ingin saya miliki, tanpa ragu saya akan jawab kemampuan untuk menghilang dan tidak terlihat orang.
Saya adalah seorang anak pemalu yang tidak punya rasa percaya diri. Saya selalu menuruti perintah orang tua dan peraturan sekolah. Bila saya melanggar aturan, seperti terlambat masuk sekolah misalnya, saya bisa merasakan jantung saya berdebar kencang.
Musik tidak pernah jauh dari hidup saya, tapi saya belum punya kesempatan untuk benar-benar fokus, mendalami seni musik. Dan mempunyai karir dalam musik adalah sesuatu yang tidak diperbolehkan.
Orang tua saya menginginkan saya untuk belajar Teknik Elektro seperti mereka.
“Kamu harus melatih otak kamu supaya kamu bisa berpikir secara logis.”, kata mereka.
Dengan belajar ilmu teknis, pilihan karir dan lapangan pekerjaan akan terbuka lebar.
Kerja keras untuk punya banyak uang, maka akan dipastikan hidup pun bahagia.
Pastikan bahwa jangan sampai uang meninggalkan kita sebelum kita mati. Itu pesan orang tua saya.
Dan saya mengikuti kemauan orang tua saya.
Setelah bekerja di Amerika dan Perancis selama 11 tahun, saya menikah dan mempunyai anak. Lalu saya memutuskan untuk kembali ke Indonesia dan bekerja di perusahaan keluarga.
Saya pikir inilah tujuan akhir jalan hidup saya.
Seharusnya saya berterima kasih telah dikaruniai semua hal ini dan seharusnya saya bahagia.
Saya memiliki anak-anak yang lucu-lucu, orang tua yang sehat dan aktif, trus bekerja di perusahaan sendiri, apalagi sih yang saya inginkan?
Tapi ada suara yang tidak bisa diam di dalam diri saya. Pertama-tamanya saya tidak tau apa yang suara ini katakan. Yang saya tau saya merasa tidak tenang. Sepertinya suara itu bilang “Bukan ini yang seharusnya kamu lakukan. Kalau kamu lanjutkan terus jalan ini, suatu hari kamu akan bangun di usia 50 tahun dan kamu akan menyesal telah membuang hidup kamu.”
Sebelum ulang tahun saya yang ke-40, suami saya mengatakan bahwa dia ingin hidup bersama wanita lain dan kami memutuskan untuk bercerai. Menurut saya, saat itu adalah awal dari proses pembersihan diri saya. Membuang semua hal, yang bukan diri saya sesungguhnya.
Di saat dunia yang selama ini saya kenal hancur, suara dari dalam diri saya makin terdengar lebih jelas. Suara itu tau apa yang harus dilakukan dengan keyakinan penuh tanpa sedikitpun keraguan. Saat itu, saya memutuskan untuk mengikuti suara itu. Saya mulai untuk belajar yoga dan meditasi. Dua latihan ini memaksa saya untuk belajar fokus ke diri saya sendiri sehingga suara batin saya bisa dapat terdengar lebih jelas lagi. Akhirnya saya sadar bahwa suara batin saya selama ini saya abaikan karena saya lebih memilih untuk mendengarkan apa kata orang lain.
Dua tahun setelah perceraian tersebut, datanglah pandemi. Ini juga merupakan suatu proses purifikasi lanjutan untuk saya. Sekarang saya tau kekuatan saya dan saya harus memutuskan apa yang akan saya lakukan. Dengan tiga bulan terapi online bersama seorang psikolog, akhirnya saya bisa mendeskripsikan apa arti SUKSES bagi saya.
Bukan SUKSES menurut orang tua saya, menurut lingkungan saya, atau menurut orang lain; selama ini, saya mengikuti arti sukses menurut orang lain.
Tidak aneh bila saya selalu merasakan konflik batin.
Saya tidak pernah diajari untuk mendengar suara batin saya dan tidak ada yang bilang bahwa suara itu sangat penting. Setelah itu, saya memutuskan untuk mulai fokus ke musik. Saya akan belajar untuk menjadi seorang musisi yang saya cita-citakan. Arti kata SUKSES buat saya sendiri, sekarang jelas, dan saya memutuskan untuk mendalami jalur musik di masa hidup sekarang, bukan di masa hidup yang akan datang. Waktunya adalah, SEKARANG.
ENGLISH VERSION (6:30)
“Alvina has a beautiful voice, Mrs. Hendradi. I tried giving her the microphone today for her to sing and she sounded good”, this was what Mrs Maria Tanzil, the owner of the Sangrila Studio informed Alvina’s mother when she came to pick her up.
“Really?”, was her mother’s sceptical response to that. There wasn’t an ounce of enthusiasm that came from that announcement. At that time, Alvina felt disappointed and thought that maybe it was only a one-time coincidence that her voice sounded good.
No one has ever told Alvina that she had a certain talent. If she were to be asked what would be a super power of her choice, she would answer confidently that it would be the power of invisibility, so that no one can see her.
Alvina was a timid child with no self-confidence. She always obeyed her parents and followed the school rules. If she broke a rule, for example, coming to school late, she could feel her heart beating faster.
Music was never far from Alvina’s life but she never had the opportunity to focus, to deep dive into learning music. And having a career in music is a big no-no.
Her parents wanted her to learn Electrical Engineering, just like them.
“You need to train your brain to think logically” that was what they advised her.
By studying engineering, career choice and job opportunities would be wide open for her to choose from.
Work hard, earn a lot of money then for sure your life would be happy indeed.
We need to ensure that money does not leave us before we die, was her parents’ saying that was instilled into her.
And so, she followed what her parents wanted her to do.
After working in the US and France for 11 years, Alvina got married and had a baby. Then she decided to return to Indonesia and work at her parents’ company. She thought that this was it for her. She should feel grateful for having cute children, active and healthy parents, and working for the family business, what else could she have wanted?
But there was a voice, nagging inside her. At first, she did not know what the voice was saying, she just felt unsettled. As if the voice was saying “This is not what you’re supposed to be doing. If you keep this up, one day you will wake up when you’re 50 years old and regret that you have been wasting your life”.
Before Alvina’s 40th birthday, her husband informed her that he had an affair and wanted a divorce. Looking back at that time, Alvina felt that it was the beginning of what she would call a purification process. The process of stripping herself off things that were not her. When the world she knew before crumbled, the voice inside herself became clearer. That voice knew exactly what needed to be done, without any doubts. At that time, she decided to listen to that voice. She started learning yoga and meditation. These two exercises forced her to focus on herself so that she can hear her inner voice with much better clarity. Finally she realized that all this time, she completely ignored her inner voice as she chose to pay attention to what others are saying.
Two years after the divorce, came the pandemic. This was also a further purification process for her. Now that she had learned about her own strength, she needed to decide on what she wanted to do next. Three months of online counseling therapy later, she finally could describe what success meant for herself.
Not success according to her parents or her surrounding society or other people; all this time she had been following other people’s definition of success.
No wonder she always felt conflicted in the end.
She was never taught to listen to her inner voice and no one told her that her voice was very important. After that, she decided to focus on her pursuit of working with music. She would learn to become a musician whom she had always aspired to be. The meaning of success for herself, now crystal clear, and she has decided to pursue her goal working to be a musician in this lifetime, not the next lifetime. The time is NOW.
This is a story from Alvina Hendradi, who is originally from Jakarta, Indonesia and currently resides there as well. Alvina is a part-time mother of two, who works as a contractor and a songwriter/producer. Her most recent songs can be found through her Instagram and Youtube channel: Madame Juteq. The link is available in the description section. Instagram: madame.juteq Youtube: Madame Juteq
Vocabularies:
Juteq : unfriendly (info below)
Sanggar : studio
Skeptis : skeptical
Antusiasme : enthusiasm
Kecewa : disappointed
Menghilang : disappear
Melanggar : violate
Berdebar : pounding
Melatih : practice
Dikaruniai : blessed
Batin : inner
Juteq means unfriendly. It’s a slang word that is actually spelled as jutek (with K) but in Indonesia, there was a phase in which we started to use Q to replace K for slang words. There are no specific rules, we just need to get used to it, but no worries, in general, slang is changing rapidly and even Indonesians who are living abroad sometimes can’t catch up, and the locals will inform you what are the latest hits of slang if you ask. Just learning it while you are there is the best way to keep up with slang. If you don’t plan to take trips to Indonesia, no need to worry about slangs as they will continuously change.
Indonesian language used here is in the daily-conversation format, that has influences from the local culture and custom. Should you have questions on the more formal version, please consult with your guru Bahasa Indonesia.
Level of Indonesian and English fluency: Intermediate to Advanced